Piss doesn’t taste all that bad when you’re dehydrated

Leaving Morelia around 0800 I made good progress, the first 30 or so kilometers were relatively flat and easy going. I was heading to Las Cabañas y Balnearios Eréndira to reward my body with some relaxing hot springs. To get there I had to do some climbing beginning around the halfway point; according to Google cycling directions I could expect around 1300m of total climbing for the day, nothing too bad, but not the most fun day ever but by now I am used to it.  At that halfway point I stopped to refill my water and I bought myself a Gatorade blue flavor which I would enjoy for the rest of the ride, this stop would turn our to be very important.

As I am nearing the last 10-15 kilometers or so of my ride the route turns rough, my once paved road becomes an uneven cart path through the woods and I pass a man leading a donkey dragging something the other way. It’s also around this time that I start wondering how this is even on Google as a route worth taking, when I hear the first claps of thunder in the distance. We are at the beginning of the rainy season here in Michoacán, and so far all the lightning I have seen previous days has been cloud to cloud so I feel relatively safe. Plus being surrounded my forests and mountains for kilometers in any direction I don’t think I have much to worry about, unless heavy rain comes. Now THAT would suck.

I knew I would have one big climb at the end, I didn’t know the exact grade I was to to encounter but I already assumed I would be pushing Yonder up as opposed to riding her.  As I trudge on along this path through the woods and sadly not to Grandmothers house I go, I got to a stretch of loose sand where it was too steep to even push my bike up loaded and had to carry my gear separately making three trips instead of just one. This was adding a bit of time. I also thought this was the start of the worst of it, and was feeling pretty motivated thinking that if the whole climb was like this I would be lounging in hot springs in a few hours! And no sooner did I think that did the path level out again and continue farther into the woods and then disappeared entirely at the base of a mountain whose actual grade remains unknown to me but I estimate it’s over 50% for most of it if not 60% for a lot of it.

There is no path, it’s heavily wooded, lots of thorny brush, and a thick loose covering of pine needles and leaves to make getting a good foothold very difficult on the floor (easily confused for a wall). I unload my bike and start making my way up with two panniers, one in each hand. I tried multiple different configurations on how best to carry them but the one I eventually settled on was holding onto the top straps and setting them down in front of me to let the hard plastic clamps dig into the dirt and use them like a mountaineer does ice tools to scale a slippery snow field.  It probably took me over an hour to get up the first time since I was locating a route as well as climbing. I was exhausted, stopping often from hunger, thirst and altitude. By the time I got to the ‘top’ where an actual path was it was 1730.  I decided that the bike should be the second trip because I couldn’t imagine trying to do that last, plus if I couldn’t get it up there then I would only have two bags to bring back down as opposed to four.

Before starting up I finished the last of the Gatorade, and realized I was quite low on water.  It was slow going from the start. barely 3m in I had to take off my solar panel and my tent bag from the back of my bike and left them at the bottom, this proved fortuitous.  with only my sleeping pad bag and camera bag on the front I slogged up This Fucking Mountain, which is its new official name according to me. I tried carrying the bike on my back, rolling it, throwing it, and who knows what else; honestly I don’t know I was so tired I wasn’t thinking straight. I did make sure to keep my emergency GPS in my pocket in case something did happen to me so at least one brain cell was firing! By the time I reached what I considered the halfway point I was physically done, barely able to raise my arms let alone a bike. I was going to camp at the base of This Fucking Mountain tonight. But I felt I needed to climb to my bags up top and move them off the path as to not be visible, not that I thought anyone would even be out there to steal them but it made sense to me at the time. By the time I finished that grueling crawl to the top and slide back down to the base it was after 1900. Setting up my tent took herculean effort and once completed I crawled in with two water bottles: one had my last 50ml of water and another empty one to pee in so I would have something to drink tomorrow. When I made the decision to sleep here I knew this would be the case.  When I stripped off my Machines For Freedom cycling kit I was surprised to learn that both my bib and jersey were entirely intact! Not a hole or rip to be found! My arms and legs on the other hand were scratched and bloody messes.

Sleep came easily and I woke up around 0500 to pee in the bottle and got most in, some on my hand. I left the bottle outside not wanting it in my tent anymore. I packed up quickly around 0700 and felt refreshed enough to be happy with my decision to stop when I did the night before. I decided to start with a light warmup of just my solar panel, tent bag, and pee bottle, then pick up my camera and sleeping pad bags from my bike and continue the rest of the way.  I took a sip of actual water at the beginning and a bite of my only granola bar (rest of my food was up top). When I grabbed my bags off of my bike I also took my first swig of urine; and you know what? Piss doesn’t taste all that bad when you’re dehydrated. I made it to the top in around 45 minutes total, and headed back down for my bike. Another benefit of taking everything else off of my bike aside from less weight was now I could be incredible rough and not worry about breaking anything because Long Haul Truckers are fucking tough. I used the same strategy as I did with my panniers; held onto the front rack with my right hand and left hand on the seat stay and launched my bike forward in the the mountain, lodging my pedal and handlebar into the ground giving me the grip needed to crawl ever so slightly higher only to repeat countless times. I also drank a lot of piss.

After finishing with the bike and grabbing my last two bags at the bottom I made my last climb of This Fucking Mountain and treat myself to a sip of actual water which tasted divine. Sadly I would finish that divine water before I reached the top, but when I got there and had all my gear collected in one place again it was such a relief especially knowing the worst was behind me. But I soon found out that didn’t mean it would be easy. After traversing an easy 8% grade I came to another steep portion, but there were multiple paths that could have been the right one. So I chose the most likely one and started up it without my gear to check it out. I struggled up it, my body exhausted, hungry, thirsty, and worn out. I get to the top and I see the front of a truck’s bumper sticking out from the bushes and as I approach I see a rancher! I more or less crawl to him saying “necesito agua” and he offered me his 20L jug and I laid on the ground and slowly poured it into my mouth while trying to stay in the shade of his truck. After a while I asked if he could help me by driving my bike up this last bit and he said his truck couldn’t do it, too steep and rough. But once I got my bike up there he drove me to his little town where one of his friends drove me to Las Cabañas where I set up my tent then quickly brushed the piss out of my mouth.

I have never been closer on this trip to hitting the “I need help” button than during this stretch. I wasn’t entirely sure I could get my bike up that mountain in the first place, and once I got it halfway up I wasn’t sure if I could get it down safely if I gave up. But in the end Yonder and I persevered through sheer stubbornness and a lot of kindness and generosity from fellow people an I got to spend three days recovering in hot springs which my body sorely (see what I did there?) needed. I think I will stick to easier routes for the near future.

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